Bully Documentary Sends Powerful and Urgent Message

I saw the documentary Bully yesterday. It is a powerful film that should be required viewing for every K-12 educator and all students preparing to be K-12 educators. It is also important for students and their parents as well as other community members to see. We hear a lot about bullying these days. We know that some young people have committed suicide because they feel so hopeless and helpless in the face of relentless torment at the hands of their classmates. When school systems and the adults that are supposed to protect young people in schools and in their communities and homes fail, this is the tragic result. The simple truth is that, despite the recent attention to bullying in schools and the best intentions of educators and advocates, far too many young people are not safe when they walk through the front doors of their local school. Going to school for some young people is like going into a war zone every day. Riding the bus, going into the locker room, walking down the hallways, eating lunch, walking home, sitting in the classroom all can be like running a torturous gauntlet, trying to be invisible, trying to escape the attention of bullies and their followers. Young people are bullied for lots of reasons, but it all boils down to one common denominator: being perceived as different and vulnerable. That could mean being a child with a disability, a child whose gender identity or expression doesn’t fit the norm, a child who is perceived to be or is gay or lesbian, a child who speaks a language other than English, a child who is not Christian, a fat child, a child whose physical appearance sets them apart in any way. The trigger for bullying could be anything and falling from the grace of “normality” as dictated by the in-group in schools can happen overnight yet bullying can go on for years. One of the painful truths is that though two-thirds of adults in schools are aware of bullying, only one third of students believe that adults do anything to stop it. The GLSEN Climate survey tells us that: • Perceived sexual orientation and physical appearance are two of the most common reasons for bullying. • Eight out of 10 LGBT students in schools experience harassment or hear anti-LGBT name-calling frequently or often in schools • Sixty-two percent of LGBT students who were bullied did not report it to adults, believing it would do no good • Over half of LGBT students could not name six supportive adults in their school These are appalling statistics that should bring a sense of shame and outrage to all of us, not just for LGBT students, but for all students who are bullied. It is painful to watch the young people in Bully who are fighting to survive. It is frustrating to watch the adults who are clueless or who blame the bullied, treat bullying as an inevitable rite of passage or as just kids being kids. In the film, the parents of bullied children, some of whom have lost their children to suicide, and the young people themselves tell harrowing stories of violence and abuse at the hands of classmates. We actually witness some of these acts of violence in the film. We also witness the inept attempts of educators to respond to bullying. It is easy to feel outrage when witnessing educators ask bullied students to shake hands and make up with their bullies or who in one breath admit their awareness of the problem, but in the next proclaim their helplessness to stop it. It is easy to feel anger at educators whose “solutions” to the problem of bullying are so completely anemic in relationship to the damage and pain we see in the faces of the students who are bullied. Feeling outrage at these educators, however, is too easy. It lets the viewer off the hook. It gives us a scapegoat on which to vent our anger, but does nothing to take our piece of the responsibility for what is happening in schools. Yes, educators are a key part of making schools safe for every student, but they must be supported with skills and policies. They need to be empowered by school systems that take a comprehensive approach to changing school and community climate at every level so that all students are safe. Individual educators cannot change the school climate when parents and community members are not fully committed to the change too. It takes school administrators and school boards with the guts to stand up, even in the face of community opposition, and provide the leadership that will make change. The bottom line is for each of us to think about is this: What am I doing to make my community and the schools in my community places where every student who walks through the door is, at the very least, safe from physical and psychological assault. What am I doing to make sure that all students are respected and feel a part of their schools and community no matter who they are. What kind of nation do we live in where some of our children cannot go to school and be safe? What kind of people are we that, though we know that some children are not safe, we do nothing to take our part of the responsibility to address the problem?

It Gets Better? Not For Women Coaches.

Here is an excellent article that explores the state of women in coaching and discusses the disturbing statistics that tell us the number of women coaching women’s teams has declined even as the numbers of women athletes participating in college sports has risen. On the other side, women are still not considered serious candidates for coaching men’s teams. The result is that men now coach almost all men’s teams and 58% of women’s teams.

This article discusses many factors that must be considered in understanding why this is happening. One factor the authors explore is the continuing effects of that lethal combination of sexism and homophobia in sports. This climate discourages women from seeking coaching positions and results in many women who do have coaching positions either leaving the field or being let go and, in effect, banned from the coaching field.

This state of affairs is particularly difficult to reconcile given the increase in the number of straight male straight allies who have stepped up to challenge homophobia in sports. In contrast, there is a pervasive silence among straight women in sport. It is difficult, even for someone like me who keeps up with this kind of information, to name straight women equivalents to Hudson Taylor, Patrick Burke or Ben Cohen. Anyone who wants to begin to understand why this is so should read this article.

I’ve had some really interesting conversations with several men who are LGBT sports advocates who tell me that gay men coaches and athletes coming out over the few years are receiving a positive reaction from their teams and colleagues. It’s just not a big deal. It seems that it is getting better for gay men in sport.
I don’t want to discount the fact that there are also lesbian athletes and coaches who are out to their teams and colleagues. Things are getting better in women’s sports too, a little. But things are getting better in women’s sports despite the pervasive effects of homophobia and sexism. The problem is that homophobia and sexism and the fear these evil twins engender keep women from challenging discrimination against all women and against lesbians in sport. They keep lesbian athletes and coaches, especially from high profile programs, in the closet. They keep straight women allies silent. Homophobia and sexism discourage talented women athletes who might be great coaches from considering coaching as a viable career option. They do not want to live in the closet or they don’t want to battle men’s teams for a fair share of the resources.

I co-led a workshop on LGBT issues in women’s basketball at the recent Women’s Basketball Coaches Association in Denver. Hearing the coaches who attended the workshop talk about the continuing effects of sexism and homophobia on their lives makes it difficult to believe that the gains made in addressing homophobia in men’s sports are equally true for women’s sports.

Read this article. It will help you understand why it doesn’t seem to be getting that much better for women coaches, especially when those coaches are lesbians.

NYU Athletics Department Delivers Inspiring “It Gets Better” Message

First, let me apologize for my absence. I needed to take a break from blogging for awhile, but I am rejuvenated and back.

This It Gets Better video made by the NYU Athletics Department is a great way to reenter the blog world. It is an inspiring and important message from athletes, coaches, administrators, gay and straight. I truly believe that this video and the message it sends are the way of the future in athletics. We still have struggles and too many programs in which LGBT athletes and coaches cannot compete openly, but we are moving ahead. Watch it and enjoy. I dare you not to smile.

Sexist Tweets, OK. Racist Tweets, Not So Much

In the space of two weeks reporters for national media have gotten themselves into hot water for tweets about sporting events. First up – Roland Martin of CNN who was disturbed by the David Beckham underwear ad broadcast during the Super Bowl. His homophobic tweet calling for a little causal violence directed toward men who like the ad was roundly criticized by GLAAD, the LGBT media watchdog organization, as well as others. He was suspended as punishment.


Now, ESPN commentator, Jason Whitlock is on the hot seat for making the following comment about the great play of the New York Knicks sensation Jeremy Lin: “Some lucky lady in NYC is gonna feel a couple inches of pain tonight.” After the outrage his stupid and insensitive tweet caused, including an open letter from the Asian Journalist Association, Whitlock offered up a quasi-apology. Apparently ESPN is satisfied that Whitlock’s contrition is genuine and requires no further sanction.


Similarities between these two sports-related tweet uproars are apparent. Both Whitlock and Martin are African-American men. Both, at least initially, had no qualms about posting offensive tweets and apparently didn’t anticipate or care about any negative reactions. Whitlock, who often takes on what he sees as racism in sport, does not seem to get the contradiction of speaking out about racism when it applies to black people, but feeling totally comfortable expressing racist sentiments about Asians.

Both situations say a lot about sports culture, especially men’s professional sports culture. The association of masculinity with violence is a troubling theme. Martin recommends “smacking the ish” out of other men who enjoyed the David Beckham underwear ad. Whitlock, in addition to using an ugly stereotype for Asian men, seems to think that inflicting sexual pain on women is an appropriate way of celebrating a great athletic performance.

The reactions to Whitlock’s tweet focused almost entirely on pointing out how racist the comment was. It seemed to go right over the heads of most commentators that there was also a huge dollop of sexism in his comment also. Whitlock’s comment is offensive to Asian men and all women. Why haven’t more men who object to Whitlock’s racism also criticized his sexism? Here is one exception.


If the answer is that most commentators did not see how his comment was equally offensive to women as it was to Asian men, then we have a mighty long way to go before we can hope for any real change in the culture of men’s sports that incites, accepts and condones violence against women or lesbian and gay people.

Power, Penn State and Joe Paterno’s Legacy

This week Joe Paterno, the former Penn State iconic football coach, was laid to rest. In his 46 years as the Nittany Lions coach, he accomplished athletic goals most coaches can only dream of: National championships, the winningest record in college football, the undying devotion of current and former members of his teams. He was known for his insistence on “winning with honor” and on making sure that most of his players actually graduated. He was never cited for NCAA violations and he had a reputation for promoting good old fashioned values of hard work and integrity.

There is no question that Joe Paterno loved Penn State and that, for the most part, Penn State loved him back. What was not to love? The success of the football program put Penn State on the map. As the coach of one of the 14 or so college football programs in the US that actually make a profit, Joe Paterno, as the head coach in charge of a multi-billion dollar enterprise, wielded incredible power in State College. It is impossible to visit this small college town in the middle of rural Pennsylvania and not feel the influence and presence of Joe Paterno everywhere. If he was not a God in State College, he was a king. It is fair to say that nothing of consequence, certainly nothing that might affect the football program, happened without the stamp of approval from “JoePa,” as he was called by many students in State College.

Gordon Spanier was president of the university, but Joe Paterno was the king. He put Penn State on the map and everyone on campus, regardless of their institutional power or position, deferred to him. A few years ago, Paterno was encouraged to step aside by Spanier and members of the Board of Trustees. “Encouraged” is the operative word here because, it was out of the question that anyone but Joe Paterno would make the decision about when it was time to go. When the meeting was over, Joe Paterno was still the coach and the administrators to whom he, in theory, reported, were sent packing back to their little offices somewhere not in the football kingdom over which he ruled absolutely.

Paterno once referred to himself as a “benevolent dictator.” He knew his power and he protected and used it as he saw fit. He saw fit to use his power to protect Rene Portland, the former women’s basketball coach at Penn State. Portland’s “no drugs, no alcohol, no lesbians” team policy was a well-known “secret” among many coaches and fans. As described in “Training Rules,” the excellent documentary on this sad 25 year period of prejudice and discrimination, Portland had free rein to destroy the dreams of any player she perceived to be a lesbian. The same cast of administrators who failed to act when told of the allegations of child rape against former football coach, Jerry Sandusky, also failed to take action against Portland. Because she had Joe Paterno’s protection, Penn State defended and protected her.

According to this interview with former VP in charge of judicial appeals at Penn State, Vicky Triponey, she resigned in part because of Paterno’s interference with university process and procedures when football players were charged with serious violations of the student conduct code. Paterno had no qualms about inserting his power into these proceedings to demand, apparently at the top of his lungs as he saw fit, that football players receive special treatment. He did not want the university disciplining his players. Triponey acknowledges that her decisions about disciplining football players were overruled on more than one occasion by university administrations who bowed to Paterno’s pressure.

Somewhere along the line, Joe Paterno’s stature in State College entered in to the mythical realm. He was treated as a living legend. Somewhere along the line protecting Penn State football and Joe Paterno’s legacy became more important than acting on information that threatened that public legacy of “winning with honor” and his vaunted reputation of integrity. Somewhere along the line, Joe Paterno, the king of State College, lost his moral compass. Ask the women’s basketball players whose careers Rene Portland ruined. Ask VP Vicky Triponey who absorbed the wrath of Paterno’s power over her enforcement of the student conduct code with football players. Ask the victims of the Jerry Sandusky scandal who must listen every day to the defenders of Joe Paterno who have made a child sex abuse scandal all about Joe and HIS mistreatment at the hands of the Board of Trustees who fired him.

It is difficult to reconcile the Joe Paterno who was king of Penn State with the Joe Paterno who claimed he didn’t know what to do when he learned in 2002 about the allegations against Jerry Sandusky. Joe Paterno always knew what to do. Joe Paterno never was reluctant to use his power to get what he wanted. When it came down to it, Joe Paterno acted as he always did: He acted to protect his own and Penn State football’s public image and legacy. He did what was legally required of him, but no more. He reported it to his “superiors” and then forgot about it. It was out of his hands.

This time, however, the enormity of the allegations against Sandusky and the lack of response to these allegations by Paterno and all the administrators involved, brings to light the hypocrisy of Penn State football’s claim of “winning with integrity.” The truth is if Joe Paterno had used his power, as he had in so many other situations, to insist on a serious investigation of the allegations against Sandusky at the time when he first learned of them, it would have happened. Period. If Joe Paterno had used his power as boldly as he always had, other young men might have been spared becoming victims.

If ever there was a message about the dangers of ceding power to college football or basketball coaches because of their winning records and ability to bring in the bucks to a university, this is it. If ever a scandal exposed the myth of integrity and honor in big time college sports, this is it. In this, the defining moment of his career, Joe Paterno was no hero and he did not win with honor.

Fired Lesbian Coach and School Reach Settlement

In November, I posted an article about a lesbian high school coach who was fired from her teaching and coaching position. Here is that post.


Apparently the coach and the school have reached a settlement agreement. It is unclear from the article what the terms of the settlement are, but I hope that, at the very least, Nikki was able to have her letter of termination rescinded so that she can find another teaching/coaching position.


As I pointed out in the original post about this situation, teachers and coaches in Texas who are fired or discriminated against on the basis of their sexual orientation or gender identity/expression have no legal recourse. It was only due to the protests of students and parents at the school and pressure from LGBT advocates and others who were appalled and outraged at the school's discriminatory actions that anything close to a happy ending came of this.


It is probably too much to ask that the school officials who fired Nikki learned anything or changed their policies. Maybe they learned that they can no longer count on the silence of LGBT educators when they are discriminated against. Maybe they learned that most students and parents care more about the quality and integrity of their teachers and coaches than they do about their sexual orientation or gender identity. I suppose that is a start.


I hope Nikki will find another position coaching and teaching where she will be appreciated and where she can continue to inspire the young people she works with.

Update on Lawsuit Filed by Kilgore, TX Lesbian Softball Player and Her Mother

Last January I started the year describing a situation in a Kilgore, TX high school where a lesbian softball player was, according to allegations in her lawsuit against the school, athletic director and coaches, treated outrageously by her coaches.

Skye Wyatt’s lawsuit alleges that her softball coaches violated her right to privacy by outing her to her mother. The case is the first in which the 5th U.S. Circuit — which covers Louisiana, Mississippi and Texas — has identified a constitutional right to privacy for sexual orientation information.
The lawsuit claims that the coaches:

1. Called Skye to a fake team meeting
2. Locked Skye in the locker room alone with the coaches
3. Berated Skye about being a lesbian and accused her of spreading gossip about one of the coaches being lesbian
4. Called Skye’s mother to the school and outed Skye to her mother
5. Kicked Skye off the softball team

The School district is mounting a full defense of the coaches’ actions claiming that they followed school policy by outing Skye. From the article, “In court documents, the defendants allege that Skye Wyatt had been openly gay for several years and never attempted to keep her sexuality secret. They also argue that the coaches had a legitimate interest in revealing Wyatt’s sexual orientation to her mother, because they were concerned about her safety. The coaches said they believed Wyatt was in a potentially illegal relationship with an 18-year-old woman.”

The coaches’ outing of Skye to her mother caused a rift in their relationship and began a downward spiral of depression for Skye, whose dreams of playing college softball and possibly coaching some day were destroyed.
The claim that the coaches acted out of concern for Skye seem ridiculous. How is calling a high school student to a fake meeting, in effect to trick her into the locker room, and locking her there to confront her about her sexual orientation an expression of concern for her safety by any stretch of the imagination?

How is telling her mother about Skye’s sexual orientation, in what feels like retaliation for Skye’s refusal to admit that she was spreading gossip about the coach’s sexual orientation, in any way an act of concern, support or care? It looks to me like that this decision by the coaches was malicious and punitive, not an expression of concern for Skye’s safety.

Then there is the issue of kicking Skye off the team. How is that an expression of concern for her safety and well-being? If the coaches cared about Skye, you’d think they’d want to keep on the team, participating in a school activity she loves.

With all the progress in addressing LGBT issues in sport we witnessed in 2011 - Several major men’s professional leagues adding sexual orientation to their non-discrimination policies, the NCAA adopting a policy enabling trans athletes to participate on sex-separate teams, high school and college LGBT athletes coming out right and left, straight athlete allies stepping forward to publicly support their LGBT teammates - this case is a sad reminder that we still have lots of work to do.

When a school district anywhere defends the actions of coaches who carelessly abuse their power and position in ways that damage the lives and dreams of the young people they are supposed to protect and nurture, we still have a big problem. Skye and Barbara Wyatt’s courageous lawsuit shines a light on the disconnect between the high profile actions we celebrated in 2011and the day to day reality of discrimination that far too many young LGBT athletes continue to face. We have come a long way, but until lawsuits like this one become unnecessary to achieve fairness and justice for LGBT students, we still have important battles to fight.

A judge has rejected the school district’s motion for a summary judgment and the case will go to trial in mid-January. I will keep you posted.